A Practical Approach to Benefiting from Self-Help

Introduction

In my pursuit of personal growth, self-improvement books had become a staple, promising to change our lives, forever. However, digging deeper into these books reveals a monotonous cycle of regurgitated ideas, dressed like pretty dolls. The language of such a book changes drastically, using fake concepts (using made-up quantum jargon, like in the case of “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One”). This raises the question: Is the self-help industry genuinely supplying valuable knowledge or merely repackaging well-known wisdom in new clothing?

 

Why I don’t like self-improvement books

The self-help landscape is full of book knowledge, where timeless principles of ancient philosophy get repackaged to the reader’s content, while this is not inherently wrong it poses a problem to someone clueless of the traps of self-improvement books.

While I was young, I read these books believing that they could have a profound impact on my life, posting on my insta motivational quotes, the reality was just a fleeting rush of inspiration in my brain, just like a drug.

The BIG words and the perfectly crafted examples of people that are in the same place I was (who knows if these people existed, but it made sense to me because I was one of those people), it gave my brain such a rush of dopamine, that no matter what happened I was confident (even if temporarily), that I could conquer the world like Napoleon.

I would get motivated to do the work, but then… When difficulties knocked at the door, I would just crumble into a depressive and self-agonizing state.

So, after this period of running from one book to another and realizing that every I read had a different philosophy and a different way to frame the close reality I lived in, it made me just more confused, and I wasn’t making any real progress.

I altogether stopped reading them, they just seemed fake.

 

The quest for real improvement

Rediscovering self-help books in the last few months after years of scepticism and despise has been a tough journey. I found out that there are some good books (I wouldn’t say I found the best ones, but they’re useful to a non-reader).

There are the guidelines I followed, not strict rules, you could disregard all of them and find an amazing gem of a book, but just keep them in mind when searching for a decent self-help book:

1. Make sure the author is well known, with reputable sources attesting to the credibility of information.
2. Don’t look at people’s reviews, the books that could be good, could have fewer reviews or worse ones, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the book will be good but don’t rely primarily on consumer reviews.
3. Try to find books that are based on scientific research, this will be a reliable way to tell if someone is making up things or saying the actual truth (make sure the scientific papers are mentioned in the book)

These three tips alone will guide you a long way, I suggest you build your rules from here, with time and experience you’ll learn to filter the real books to the general fluff.

 

Tips for reading

While reading, to get the most out of the experience, one can choose between superficially reading the book or using active reading tips.

Superficial Reading:

• Absorbing content without active processing.
• Feeling that you know the content
• Just getting carried away by your emotions, on a motivational roller coaster

Active Reading:

• Make sure you understand the point the author is trying to convey
• Using Kindle highlights, or any tool of your choice to capture key insights.
• Summarizing into a few important points the content for future reference and rapid review.
• Briefly review the notes after each read session

I would also recommend trying to not get carried away too much by the book, while is good to have a sense of motivation, you need to remind yourself that it needs your active action on it, so you will feel discomfort when it’s time to use the knowledge you acquired from the book.

 

Alternatives to self-help books

While self-help books offer one avenue, there are alternatives. Delving into fiction, for instance, offers a lot of “improvement”, trying to keep attention on how the protagonist is acting and why, reflecting on it could have profound insights for your journey, also it will improve your vocabulary by getting exposure to new words, your verbal fluency will benefit from it.

Similarly, philosophy is a good alternative. The thoughts of ancient minds like Aristotle, and Marcus Aurelius, popular in the stoic community, can expand the vision of the world. It could be more of a challenge to read them, but if you feel the connection I highly recommend it.

 

The Pinnacle of Learning

True mastery appears from relentless practice.

Practising what you need to do, is the actual pinnacle of self-improvement. While reading books can give you new insight, the real change will only happen with practice.

The most important part is when you start losing motivation, this is where you don’t try to find a new book, but you try the relentless practice, you won’t merely be even good at the thing you to be but with consistency, you will improve.

Is like you learn the theory of how to drive a manual car and learn all the road signs but you never start driving because it feels too difficult and overwhelming and so you just give up and you start rereading the book to try a new one, just getting deeper in the self-improvement (or self-breakdown void)

 

My recommendations list for beginners

As you embark on your journey, consider the following book recommendations. Please note, these selections are rooted in genuine preference and obviously there is my personal bias in it. Each book encapsulates a substantial part of the information landscape, potentially cutting the need for an extensive reading list:

1. “Don’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins – is a brutally honest and inspiring memoir detailing the author’s journey from a challenging childhood to becoming a Navy SEAL and ultra-endurance athlete, emphasizing the importance of embracing pain and adversity to achieve personal growth and greatness
2. “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl – is a reflective exploration of human resilience and the quest for meaning, based on the author’s experiences as a Holocaust survivor and a psychiatrist.
3. “Deep Work” by Cal Newport – raises a compelling argument for the value of focused, distraction-free work in an age of constant digital connectivity. The book emphasizes the importance of deep, concentrated effort for producing high-quality, with practical strategies for cultivating this practice.
4. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear – teaches how tiny, consistent changes can lead to remarkable personal transformation by focusing on the science of habit formation and leveraging the compounding effect of small actions. (While the entire book may not be essential, a distilled summary of its core principles can be helpful).
5. Books on Stoicism – Stoic philosophy are useful in today’s frenetic world, I suggest you start from the works of Ryan Holiday: “The Obstacle is the Way” or “Ego is the Enemy”

 

Conclusions

In the end, navigating the self-help maze might feel like trying to find the perfect avocado at a grocery store – you squeeze a few, pick one that seems just right, and hope it doesn’t turn out to be a disappointment when you get home. Try your best to pick and choose the best one, but don’t get discouraged by it.